Hi Tumblr, I’m mostly just here to let this out. K, bai.

Tonight is one of those nights where I miss you terribly. At work so many things reminded me of you I would have cried if not for the steady stream of customers. We’ve been talking about you so much lately just in everyday conversation so it’s impossible to stop missing you, but I’m quite fond of talking about you because I love you and I miss you. People still don’t know how to act around us when you come up in conversations but we roll on with the conversations as if it weren’t a big deal;however, I know we all feel that pang in our chests while trying to pretend to not. Sometimes I feel the same feeling I get when I first found out, the disbelief and the feeling of not knowing what to do with myself—what I’m supposed to do with myself. Today there were constant reminders of death. As silly as it sounds: in this morning’s HIMYM Marshall’s dad passed away. And of course the tragedy of the one and only Robin Williams -may he rest in peace and continue to inspire and warm the hearts around the world- passing. I feel like I can’t handle, but I don’t know what it is that I can’t handle. There are still so many songs that I can’t listen to because they remind me of you. I can’t express these feelings to my dad because he doesn’t understand why it still looms over me and has such a hold on me. To be honest I don’t understand it myself either; I just know that it does. You have such a huge part in me being the person that I am today and I’d like to think that I’m a good person: thanks to you.
I was just thinking about bleaching part of my fringe - because you know how I love to change my hair every few weeks- and I remembered that you were always the first person to support all of my hair endeavors and assured me that I could pull off any hair color and style haha. You helped to convince me to actually go blonde and I’m so glad I did, I wish I still had it though.
Last week I was thinking and I came the the realization that… I can hardly remember your voice. I can hear snippets of it, certain phrases, certain giggles, and certain genuine laughs, but they are snippets nonetheless. I try so hard to piece my memories of your voice together in order to hear you say I love you, I love you guys, or I miss you, but I just can’t and I hate myself for that. I hate myself for not being able to remember all of your little quirks, for not being able to remember all of your expressions, for not being able to permanently store every single detail of every memory of you in my life on a hard drive in my brain. I hate myself for probably making you worry about me because I just can’t be at ease about all of this. I hate myself for not spending more time with you before you had to go to the hospital, but I’m so glad I had that day last day to spend with you and our closest girl friends. I’m so grateful I got to utter my I love you in person to you, it’s because of that that I have relatively to regrets besides some miniscule things.
This post is getting to be wayyyy longer than I intended, but I guess I had a lot more to say than I thought. I keep thinking I can just message or text you and you’ll be there to give me advice. Or I’d Skype you and not get an answer for a few hours, or even the next day because you were off playing games. I feel like you’re just off on a really long gaming session and that’s why you haven’t answered us, or hung out with us. I’m sorry if you can’t rest peacefully because we are having such a hard time with this —because I know everyone else goes through these bouts of sorrow too— even though your family seems to be doing such a good job. I guess we’re all just bottling it up to ourselves, afraid to bring it up, so it’s harder to push forward. When we talk about you it’s still in present tense, I can’t bring myself to say “She was” or “She did” or “She liked” because I feel like you’re still here in the present, which is true because you are always with us, but in fact I’m just living in the past.
It’s hard to believe its been six months, no it’s impossible to believe it has been a little of six months. Our birthdays have come and have been celebrated and have passed without you there with us, our summer break is practically over and you weren’t here to rally us together for a camping or hiking trip. The most I can do is rally the gang to visit you every couple weeks. When we’re there with you I finally feel settled, well mostly, and I feel like talking to you, I feel like you’ll respond. Despite this, I am too afraid to talk to you aloud for fear of not getting a response, when I speak to you whether it be at home or at your grave I can only say things to myself. If I speak aloud and I don’t get an answer I may not be able to handle it quite yet.
This post went every which way my emotions took it but it did help me feel a little better, thank you social media for being an outlet.
A song that you and I shared as one of our favorites reminds me of you so much so as I write this I am listening to it. I can see your smiling face in my mind with your heartwarming dimples and the way your tongue peeks out when you smile too hard and it gets pushed against your pearly whites.
I miss you so much and I love you in the past, the present, and the future.
The next time I see you, I’ll be sure to say “Hello, How are you?”
And thank you.
I love you Shae. I love you.

"Hello!
I opened my window and whispered.
How are you?
Alone in my room, with no one.
Morning!
The morning has arrived, with a heavy downpour.
Tick-tack.
Someone please rewind my spring for me.

Hello!
I think that kind of person appeared only in old anime.
How are you?
I am so jealous, that someone can be loved by all.
Sleeping…
I must stop saying silly things and start preparing.
Crying…
In order to hide my tear marks.

"Oh well whatever" has become my favorite phrase.
That line from yesterday went straight over my head:
“I don’t have any expectations of you anymore.”
Well, even I myself
don’t have any expectations of myself,
but still, what was THAT for?!

The words that escaped from my throat
were nothing but lies.
Today, too, I have wasted some valuable words,
as I continue living my life

Why is it that you end up hiding it?
Is it that you’re scared of being laughed at?
Is it that you don’t want to meet anyone?
Is that really true?
Drowning in a sea of the name “ambiguity”,
I’m suffering because I can no longer breathe.
I now have a small urge to listen to someone’s voice.
I am so weak.

With my preparation going nowhere at all,
I start thinking with my hazy head:
“Should I just find a reason so that I can rest now?”
Nah, I know, I know,
I’m just saying things, that’s all,
but I’m not going to rest, so don’t get angry at me

Be I happy or miserable,
the morning sun will rise fairly and cruelly.
I’m already trying my best just to live,
what else do you possibly expect of me?

Why do you end up being bothered by this?
Is it that you actually want to be loved?
Who was it that let go of your hand?
Have you come to a realization?
If my life has a time card,
then exactly when do I get off my “work”?
Who will pay me my salary
for having been living all this time?

Thank you!
I actually want to say “thank you”.
Thank you!
I actually want to say “thank you”.
Thank you!
Even if just for once,
while I lament from the bottom of my heart,
I actually want to say “thank you”.

Why is it that you end up hiding it?
Is that you actually want me to ask you about it?
I promise that I will not laugh,
so why don’t you trying tell me?
I won’t know anything if you don’t open your mouth.
You won’t convey anything by merely thinking in your head.
What a troublesome species of organism,
the one called “human”, that is.

Hello! How are you?
To you, I say “Hello! How are you?”“

freyarule:

makoto-tachiboner:

so I found a transparent pic of levi’s eyes….

NO

tyleroakley:

They are ruining marriage, by setting the bar WAY too high. 

Perfect couple is perfect.

Hey guys I met Tadanon, Keitan, Bouto and Kihei

toshiichu:

natsukyi:

and I’m still alive lol. Just in case anyone was wondering I doubt that 

Anyways today I was at Akihabara with my friends walking back towards the station and we walked pass the four of them, freaked out a bit, then kind of followed them to softmap to ask for a picture after they finished buying their Miku fukubukoro. 
Anyways, we took a picture with them but it’s on my friend’s camera so I’ll upload it later. 
Bye guyssss

foams at the mouth  

AHAHHSNSNSJSKSNSHBSBSSHDBSHB

haha yeahh xD they were looking at all them otaku stores like us. Also they were totally geeking out over all the merchandise, so adorbsss they bought something my friends and I had bought a few days earlierrrr fangirl squeallllll

Hey guys I met Tadanon, Keitan, Bouto and Kihei

and I’m still alive lol. Just in case anyone was wondering I doubt that 

Anyways today I was at Akihabara with my friends walking back towards the station and we walked pass the four of them, freaked out a bit, then kind of followed them to softmap to ask for a picture after they finished buying their Miku fukubukoro. 
Anyways, we took a picture with them but it’s on my friend’s camera so I’ll upload it later. 
Bye guyssss

foams at the mouth  

Hey anyone who cares

Tomorrow I leave for my trip to Japan so I will be posting even less than usual (which isn’t much anyways) 
I’m gonna try and hit most of the popular nico dance spots and take pictures! Maybe if I get lucky I’ll see some dancers there too :D!
Oh yeah I’m also going to Comiket so I’m gonna otaku it outtt man.
Anyways wish me luck guys!  

ectobiolosassy:

crazieecatladyy:

how to get the d

  • image

i think i don’t want it anymore